Monday, April 20, 2009
LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS SO WONDERFUL!!!
I know, I know, I know. I need to update my blog. I have lots of pictures and stories to go with the pictures but am confined again to bed! I HATE bed-rest. It is so boring. Although I have good friends who bring me their laptops so I can check up on everyone else. (Thanks Jessica. She knows how bad bedrest sucks. She was in the hospital for 5 weeks!) Anyways everyone else in the family is doing good. I just have a bad attitude! I want to be closer to being done with this pregnancy but I am not ready for another baby. Don't get me wrong, this baby will be loved. I just don't know how I am going to do 4 KIDS. 4 kids, I know alot of people have 4 kids and do just fine. But I haven't even mastered 3. When I had 2 kids, life was great.I was on time everywhere I went. The kids were ALWAYS dressed in the cutest clothes, hair done, stories read to them, I had time to play with them. I always had a cleaning day once a week. The whole house would be clean within 3 hours. ALWAYS. Laundry never got piled up cause I always stayed on top of it. Dishes were always done before I went to bed. Malarie always had a fresh manicure and pedicure. And if her outfit didn't match her nails, I would change the color. Not to mention, there was ALWAYS something fresh baked on the counter.(cookies,brownies,something) OH HOW MY LIFE HAS CHANGED! I feel like I am NEVER going to have it together again! Everything is opposite of what my life used to be! My kids tell me they don't have clean socks and I find a missed matched pair or I tell them to just wear dirty ones! Did I just admit that to the whole world? Now I am lucky if the dishes get done every 3 days. If Malarie has a manicure it is because it is a special occasion. And I always just paint over the top. I never have time to take the color off first. I can't remember the last time my kids got a story read to them. They read their own now. Malarie usually reads to Logan. (She is his second mom and he says he is Malarie's boy not mommy's boy)I wonder why? See how caotic my life has gotten? I just always pictured my life running so smoothly and I had everything planned out.I have always been organized and now I just shut the door if I don't want to see all the boxes I still haven't unpacked and papers ALL over the floor in the office. We won't even start on the playroom! It's supposed to be messy and never organized, RIGHT? So sorry if you read this. Just getting some of my frustrations out! I feel like the last time I felt this down was 9 years ago, going through my divorce. I would think it was the baby blues if I had had the baby. So anyone out there with any advice? Feel free to leave a comment. Tell me I will get it back together one day!
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5 comments:
I hope things get looking better for you. (insert funny joke or comment here, but I don't have one)
Don't feel bad about the mismatched dirty socks. Laundry is my dark nemesis. It always wins. As we speak the chair behind me is piled high with 3 loads of unfolded laundry. It is watching me...I can feel it:) And I have a worst thing, worst than dirty socks that is. This morning I didn't have any clean underwear for Bode so he is wearing his pair from yesterday. Opps.
I don't know you too well but I remember you in HS and graduated with Barton. Life is tough but I know you can make it. "I never said it was easy," I always see that quote and it reminds me that life isn't easy, we are handed trails and we can learn, (sometimes we don't, or least I have found out and then we get more trails and then hopefully we learn it that time) Laundry....haha!!! Mine is always piled high, every single week. You would think I could keep up on that and cleaning and cooking. haha! I got sick last week and nothing got done and when Jayson got home, he did the dishes and that was about it. I was useless. I can't imagine being pregnant again with the 4th, it scares me to death. Everyone says you learn to adjust....well I can't adjust to 3 (I hear your pain there)...let alone a 4th. You will be able to do it, you are not alone! (that is the only thing that gets me through the tough times, to know that I am not alone and my Savior loves me and knows how I feel), he will guide you and guide others to know that you need help and a friend. It will all be over before you know and you will look back and say that was easy...what was I thinking. (that is what I always hope happens:) )
Goodluck and you will be a great mom of 4!!!!
Oh Raine! I am so sorry you have to be on bedrest. I too struggle with the feeling that there is waaaay too much to do and I never get it done...or things are just too crazy to even start. How come it was so easy for you with just 2? I can't even handle 2!! Maybe your expectations are a litte too high. I can say that because I do the same thing to myself. It's okay if Malarie doesn't have the manicure and pedicure. Really, it is! And it's okay if I don't have my babies room completely done 2 months before he comes! I think as Mom's we put way too many things on our plate. Plus, it sounds like you're a perfectionist like me, so it makes life even harder! Just relax. One of my friends told me the way she gets through the whole newborn-waking- up-in-the-middle-of-the-night thing....she realizes it won't be like that forever.
My advice to you is stop in unexpectedly to anyone else's(is that a word?) house who has 4 or more kids and you will see laundry on their couch, at least 3 loads, dishes unfinished, their little boy wearing his sister's underwear because he wet his bed AGAIN and didn't have anymore clean underwear(maybe they're in the pile on the couch), and the only nail polish in the house is a mural on the bathroom floor:) Keep your head up, things will get better. You have an awesome husband and great kids that will make everything better in the end. And if they fall a little short, you have more friends than anyone I know and we would all love to help any way we can! I hope the rest of your pregnancy is full of sunshine and roses. At least the weather is beautiful, take a chair outside with your laptop and soak in some rays!
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